luministi | Day 15 | ~ World's End Umbrella ~

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Day 15 | ~ World's End Umbrella ~

[Like last time, Xion is searching out her friends. Anyone and everyone she talked to, all the people she met here -- She wants to meet with them, talk to them, find out if they're staying or leaving, say good-bye if it's the latter. Unlike last time, though, her spirits are higher. She can stay. She can stay and still be helpful, still search for the answers they've been looking for, stay and live, really live.

She's also searching for one person in particular. She has something to ask him -- to ask of him, to inform him of something, and she... Part of her is hopeful. Part of her is nervous. Another part of her... feels like she can't ask this of him. She shouldn't ask him to stay for her. She knows she's asking for Nathan, but that's what it feels like. She feels like she doesn't have the right to ask that of him. If he has something important to do at home, then she has no right at all. (If he has something important to do at home, and says no, then...) Xion takes a deep breath and lets it out. At the same time, she has to ask. She has to know. She has to find out for herself.

So, Luministi. How about one last conversation with Xion?]

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Well, to be honest, back in that room when we had the chance to talk to Resarci... See, if he had known that there was a key there he could've easily led me to it and I would've kept it to myself - maybe even swallowed it just to conceal it. That I'm one of "you" - "us" is exactly the problem: I've never met a group of such pleasant people before, and it just makes me want to keep all of you at all costs, even if the expense is-

[He pauses to massage at his temples a little.]

I guess it's not really important anymore. Anyway, yes, the maintenance of the entire station has been left in my hands. I'm not sure when or how often you'll all have time to visit between your little mission or whatever, but feel free to tell me if there's anything specific you'd like to see in this place and I'll see what I can do.

[Xion shakes her head.] No... No, it is still important -- The way you feel is important. I understand. This is my home now, too. I don't want to lose it, either, and it's okay to feel like that. But you have to remember that the people you care about... They have more people that they care that much about, too, people who are at home. They can't take care of their important people or do the important things they need to do if they're here. So that's why... I opened the door.

[She takes a deep breath and lets it out, her eyes lowering.] I knew that if we had to go back, then you'd be going to somewhere you hate, and I'd be going to a place where I don't exist. But... I can't put myself above the people I care about. I just can't. Even though I knew what it might mean for you... [She lifts her eyes again.] I'm sorry. I was just trying to do what I thought was right. I'm really relieved... that it's worked out like this. All I had to go off of was hope. I'm glad I was right in trusting in Nathan and Audrey and people who first ran the town.

What sort of philosophy is that? To give up your entire existence just to let some friends of yours go back to where they came from? What would happen to them if they stayed here? They wouldn't cease to exist, would they? Of course they wouldn't. They might get a bit homesick, and that's about all - a mild irritation in comparison.

Even though things went as well as they possibly could have, thinking like that isn't fair - not to yourself, and not to anyone else. Genuine friends wouldn't want to risk trading their friend's existence for their own convenience. I would have died, and you would've stopped existing, which is probably the same thing as dying, and look at us! We're both young, we're both supposed to have entire lives ahead of us, futures to look forward to!

So why, just why would you even for one moment consider sacrificing yourself like that?

I... [Xion takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Last time... This would've been easier to answer. But, now... ] Because... There isn't anything else I can do.

How can I ask them to sacrifice their lives for mine? They'd be alive, either way, but... Everything they know, everything they love, everyone they love, everything they've worked so hard for, all the things that only they can do, like... like having a baby, or saving a world, or stopping a bad group from doing something horrible -- I can't ask them to give that up, just for me. Their not being home affects more than just us, it affects all the people who are counting on them there, too.

How can I ask them to lose all that -- How can I make all those other people be sad, just for my sake? I... can't. That's what it comes down to.

[Why was that so hard for her to explain? Why did she struggle? It's obvious. She honestly believes this. Maybe... she just hadn't tried putting words to it before. Maybe.]

Edited 2011-10-15 07:04 (UTC)

It should be easy to do that. Maybe it's different for someone who's intimately familiar with a world that isn't worth saving, where children are an inconvenience except to the two or three people who love them, if they're so lucky, and where taking on a "bad group" will only get someone humiliated, killed, and then humiliated again. A place worth returning is simply unthinkable to me.

For that matter, the type of people who would choose others' happiness over their own lives are similarly alien to me: my brain just struggles to process it, and frankly the idea frightens me. I've been terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing ever since I arrived here and noticed that--

Why am I even telling you this?

Luministi is worth returning to, though, isn't it? [For us, at least.] It's worth saving. That's why we're going to be doing what we're doing. But this place isn't the only one that's like that. Imagine the way we feel about Luministi -- Imagine being pulled away from here, away from our friends and home, everything we're happy and comfortable with, all without getting a say. You'd want to go back, wouldn't you? That's how other people feel about their homes. Who am I to keep them from that?

[She smiles softly.] I don't know, but... It's okay. If you want to talk about it, I'll listen, and I'll do my best to understand.

Edited 2011-10-15 19:25 (UTC)

To me it is, but the same can't be said of nearly everyone else. And it's not like I could answer your question. Maybe I'd want to go back, maybe I wouldn't. I'd probably be much, much different in nearly every way if I'd been allowed to develop in a more pleasant environment. The question has too many layers for me to be able to answer easily, but I also realize that it was mostly rhetorical.

[His eyes dart off to the side somewhere, focusing on nothing in particular.]

You're not my bartender or my therapist. You're just a kid, and even though you seem rather mature, you shouldn't have to deal with me rambling on about my insecurities. You undoubtedly have better things to do, and I really must stop being so open.

[Xion shakes her head again.]

No... No, it's okay. I don't mind. We're going to be relying on each other a lot more from now on. We should be able to trust each other and talk about things like this. I'm not your bartender or your therapist, but I'd like to be your friend. That makes it okay, right?

[He pauses for quite a while, looking very confused. He tilts his head slightly. Friendship seems to be sort of a foreign concept for this one.]

... I don't know, does it? Or was that supposed to be another rhetorical question?

[Xion pauses now, too, tilting her head a little.]

Have you... never had a friend before?

[His cheeks slowly turn a rosy pink]

W-what? No, of course-- I mean, yes,obviously! What kind of loser has never had a friend before? What a ridiculous question!

[Xion smiles softly.]

It's okay. I'd never had a friend before, too. I didn't even know what a friend was, way back when...

[She holds out her hand.] Don't worry. You don't have to be all alone any more. We're in this together, right? So, let's be friends.

[He crosses his arms, cramming his hands under his armpits.]

It's different for you. You're younger than I am-- not that I'm old, but still.

Why would you want to be a friend of someone like me? Just because we're in the same place and working together?

I'm younger than everyone. [She smiles sheepishly.] I'm only six hundred and thirty-six days old -- so, almost two years.

But what does age have to do with making friends? Do you need a reason to be friends with someone?

What!? What planet are you from? I would've guessed that you were, nnnh, fourteen years or so? No less than twelve, for sure.

Anyway, that's what makes it weird. It's not typical to make friends who are so far outside of your age group. And of course you need a reason! There needs to be a reason for everything.

It's just unthinkable that someone-- a child, especially- would want to befriend me all of a sudden. I'm supposed to be a monster! A devil!

I'm... It's a long story. [Xion scratches the back of her neck.] I'm not human, though. Not really.

I've never heard that before. I don't have any friends around my age any more, and, really, I've only ever had one. My other best friend was years and years older, and then there's Sophie and Fuu and the Doctor and Jamie and Mr. Braxiatel and... and everyone I've met here. I don't see what age has anything to do with being friends. That's just silly. Why should you not make friends with someone just because they're older or younger than you? A person's a person, and anybody can be a good friend.

Why's that? You're nothing like that at all. You seem like a nice enough person to me. Just someone who's scared of losing their friends.

Could've fooled me, at least until you mentioned your age.

Perhaps it's different where you're from - where I come from, it's generally not acceptable for someone to make friends outside of their age group, their finanical range, education level - that sort of thing. Those who do are strange, deviant, you know.

You're the third or so person to tell me that I don't seem all that awful. It's unusual. I used to be called all sorts of things - a man-eating demon, a villain, anything you could possibly think of - but everyone here seems to disagree.

[Xion just kind of... smiles at that. It's a little forced, to be entirely honest. A good replica...]

Is there something wrong with being different?

Well... It seems like your world isn't a very nice place. Maybe they said those things because of that.

Yes. I can't say why, exactly, but even the exceptional beauty that I was born with was often seen as undesirable simply due to being out of the ordinary.

Perhaps that's it, though - it's much easier to be seen as a pleasant person when you don't have to constantly step on others to give yourself a bit of a chance to live for another day. By comparison, I've been quite lazy and reasonably kind here, since I haven't even had to trick or backstab any of you.

[His arms finally uncross.]

Things have been so easy in this town, I may have actually gained a bit of weight simply by being able to rest more often and having the chance to eat nearly anything I want.

[He seems pleased with that, and pinches at his belly a bit. It's not terribly noticeable, but there is a little layer of pudge that wasn't there before.]

It's impressive what being thrown onto some bizarre space station in the future can do to a person.

[Xion listens patiently, contemplating what he says.]

Yeah... I think I can see it, when you put it like that. You lived in a bad place, so you had to be bad just to make it by. [She smiles] But you're not really a bad person. Otherwise, you being bad is what you'd want to do. You'd want to hurt people, even when you don't have to. But you don't, and you haven't, so there's a lot of light in your heart. And that's more than enough reason to be friends with someone, I think.

[A slight giggle;]

A child of an entire other species, from an entirely different world, understands me better than cities full of my own people after only a few conversations. [The giggling picks up again, and intensifies;] Isn't it just hilarious how that works!?

[His laughter tapers off, transitioning into sobs as he buries his face in his hands. If she's good at picking out sounds, Xion might be able to catch an extremely muffled and broken "thank you" somewhere in there.]

[Her hearing's not quite that good, but, well... She can still hear it in his voice before he breaks down. Her heart aches to see it happen, but she feels like this is something that had to.

Without any hesitation, she steps forward, reaches out, and hugs him close.]

It's okay... It's okay now. You're not alone any more.

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Day 15 | ~ World's End Umbrella ~

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... she's good at this can you tell